What a burden

Our psychological health is dependent upon having a place and a status within a social world. But it’s disorienting to try to operate within social domains that for all intents and purposes lack boundaries and limits. It’s intimidating to gauge success within a context of effectively infinite status hierarchies (Donald Trump wrote a book for young aspirants advising that they learn to “Think Like a Billionaire”). It’s overwhelming to try to keep up with millions of Joneses.

We’re given the impression that it’s a boon to be presented with near-limitless sources of stimulation, choice, and opportunity. Psychologists are discovering that it is, rather, confusing, distracting and anxiety-provoking.

This is especially true in regard to mate selection.

It used to be very different — there was a straightforward sense of the expectation of family formation owing to the fact that the community valued continuity. There was a mate selection pool based on a limited number of peer-group choices. A pairing-up at marriage age wasn’t all so fraught. It was the natural flow for all peer-group members.

The expectation of the spouse wasn’t exorbitant. The primary consideration was: “It’s time to start a family.”

Now, facing a near-infinite pool, there tends to be a sense of limitless competition, temptation, distraction. Within that context a pressure, a stress, a feeling that: “I’ve got to be outstanding.”

What a burden.