the high divorce rate is an indication that we’ve lost something important

The current divorce rate is about 50%. For first marriages (the ones that people hope will be “til death do us part”) the rate is about 40%. For second and third marriages it’s higher and that’s why the overall rate is near 50%.

This is historically high. There’s a narrative that it had been lower because divorce was all but verboten for certain religions . . . and then when that influence waned and society in general became more accepting of marital dissolution the rate when up to a “more natural” level, one more in synch with the actual vagaries of human relationships.

That viewpoint is a balm to a reality that would otherwise give so many of us moderns an uncomfortable sense of pathology or failure.

The truth is that there used to be something other than the negative factors of religious proscription or social castigation or shame that kept couples together. When people lived in real communities (place-based, with locally-oriented interdependence and face-to-face ongoing familiarity) there was social support that acted as a buttress of family bonding. There was a shared appreciation of (and even a sense of responsibility for) stability and thriving.

Among many other important things, that’s been lost.